Choice Challenge: Breathe & Calm
Updated: 1 day ago
Choice Challenge: Breathe & Calm #5 (Helping Brains Feel Safe)
Every day, challenges happen. Human beings struggle with the ups and downs of life. In a classroom or at home, young children have moments when they are struggling to process emotions. The part of the brain that solves problems goes offline.
This is what Breathe and Calm is for. Building the skill before the moment, so it is available when the need to process a challenge into a choice arises.
Why this matters for behavior
When a child is very upset, the amygdala activates. This puts the brain into fight-or-flight mode. In this state, the front of the brain, which handles solutions, is robbed of access. No amount of "use your words" or "this was a poor choice" lands when the amygdala is running the show.
The pattern is simple:
First, we breathe. And, we calm. Then we talk.
This is the first step. Before talking or teaching. The breath is what makes the other five choices available again. Without it, they are all locked out.
In the blog What is the Choice Challenge? and the Choice Challenge guide, PILES is explained as the five senses of learning. Breathe and Calm connects to social-emotional well-being. When these two abilities are working, the other three—Physical, Intellectual, Language—have a clear path to communal success.
A calm brain is a smart brain.
The pattern
"First we breathe. And, we calm. Then we talk."
Practice this when everyone is calm, so the skill is ready when things are hard. Sit in a circle. Close the eyes. Breathe in as a bunny hops up. Breathe out as the bunny rests. Imagine fluffy bunnies hopping in a meadow. Each hop is a breath.
This gives a child a frame of reference for when they are upset. They do not have to figure out the breath in the moment. They already know it. They just go back to it.
Example in action
A child's block tower falls down. He is upset.
Breathe and Calm (#5):
The child sits. Closes their eyes. Takes three bunny breaths. Breathe in as the bunny hops up. Breathe out as the bunny rests.
Use Words (#2):
After the breath, the child can say: "Theodore, I don't like when you push my tower. It hurts my feelings."
Own Behavior (#3): T
heodore replies: "Zach, I apologize for pushing the tower. It was an accident. When I walked by my hand touched it and it fell.”
Zach might reply, “Oh, thank you for apologizing.”
Theodore can say, “Can I help you rebuild?”
Zach says, “Sure, I was building a tower.”
Rethink (#6):
Zach realizes Theodore accidentally knocked into the tower. He asks Theodore to help build a new tower.
One moment. Four choices working together. But the breath comes first. Without it, none of the others are available. The child who breathes and calms can successfully use words, own the behavior, and rethink.
This is how the system multiplies. A single upset moment becomes a teaching moment for multiple skills at once. See blogs for the following choices or sign up to download the full Choice Challenge Guide: Choice #2: Use Words, Choice #3: Own Behavior, and Choice #6: Rethink to learn more about how each one supports this exchange.
How the other choices support breathe and calm
Breathe and Calm is the foundation. The other five choices build on it:
Follow Directions (#1) — A child who is calm can hear a direction. A child who is flooding cannot. The breath is what makes the direction land. See Choice #1: Follow Directions to learn how to build that structure.
Use Words (#2) — A child who is still in fight-or-flight cannot form the 3-step formula. The breath is what makes the words possible. See Choice #2: Use Words to learn the full 3-step formula.
Own Behavior (#3) — An apology requires a calm brain. A child whose brain is flooding with feelings cannot reflect on what happened with a clear sense of poor to better choices. The breath is what makes the reflection possible. See Choice #3: Own Behavior to learn how to guide a child through the apology without shame.
Wait and Take Turns (#4) — Waiting is hard when the body is in fight-or-flight. The breath is what keeps the hand from grabbing. See Choice #4: Wait and Take Turns to learn how teaching "not now" prevents the poor choice before it happens.
Rethink (#6) — Rethinking requires the front of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, which handles decision-making, to be back online. The breath is what brings it back. See Choice #6: Rethink to learn how to guide a child from obstacle to open door.
All six choices are a collaborative learning experience. They partner with each other on most occasions. Breathe and Calm is the one that makes all the others possible.
Modeling the choice
Adults model this out loud:
"I am feeling frustrated. I am going to take three bunny breaths."
Hand on chest. Slow inhale. Slow exhale.
The naming is the part that matters. A child who watches an adult name the feeling and names the tool in the same sentence will do both. This is the whole system in one breath.
For example, an adult who is rushed during a transition might say:
"I am going to take a breath before I give the next direction. This is a better choice because it gives everyone time to be ready."
The child watches an adult pause, breathe, and then continue. No rush. No excuse. Just the pattern.
A simple takeaway
First we breathe. And, we calm. Then we talk.
This choice is a core tool for mastering all decisions.
Children need consistent practice with this strategy before the skill becomes automatic. Each child experiences social-emotional development at different speeds and levels. As a group, the skill development can advance together with the greatest amount of daily practice. When each child is using the choices consistently in interaction with the others, adjustments can be made as the child matures. But the foundation is built through repetition of the simple form.
Every time a child breathes, calms, and talks without being prompted, the skill is building. Filling gaps or holes, as explained in the blog What is the Choice Challenge? and the Choice Challenge guide, is practice. Practice builds choice fitness.
Breathe and Calm is not a time-out. It is tuning in with the body. A way to help a child feel able to choose better.
Choice Challenge Guide will be released in eBook and paperback. You will have the option to download for free by signing up or buy online. The choice is yours :)
About the author
Patience Filippo is a children's author, artist, educator, and veteran with decades of classroom experience. She created the Choice Challenge: Poor to Better Decisions for Everyday Behavior to help kids and grown-ups be better humans, one better choice at a time. The Choice Challenge is the framework behind My Teacher Is Not an Octopus, a self-regulating behavior management book for early learners. Begin at birth. Grow into lifelong learning.
Motto: Empowering happiness through literacy.
Find Patience online https://linktr.ee/askmisspatience
