Choice Challenge: Rethink
Updated: a few seconds ago
Choice Challenge: Rethink #6 (From Obstacle to Open Door)
Every kid has had the "uh-oh" moment. The one where they already know what they did, and the next five seconds decide whether they learn from it or not.
Rethinking is how we turn that moment into a lesson instead of a lecture.
In the Choice Challenge rethink structure, invite children to name their first choice and their better choice, so mistakes become open doors instead of dead ends.
If the issue is a lack of awareness of an acceptable behavior, this can be modeled by replacing the previous decision with better options.
A choice is not poor until the guidelines have been discussed for young children and agreed upon within their knowledge and ability.
Even if parents model better choices, in the classroom, agreements need to be made at the beginning of the school year. And they need to be introduced to new students through the year.
If anyone arrives midyear, by then the class as a whole is all about teamwork. They can support the success of the new student. Because they all know, if they follow directions, they can have more fun!
A simple pattern is:
"My first choice was ___."
"My better choice is ___."
For example:
"My first choice was yelling. My better choice is using my words."
"My first choice was grabbing. My better choice is waiting my turn."
"My first choice was walking away. My better choice is staying and using my words."
Why this matters for behavior
When a child believes "I messed up, so I'm done," the hole stays open. Every time the hole is open, the same poor choice falls through it again. Rethinking is how we close the hole and hand the child the key to more options. They do not need us to fix it. They need us to ask, "What was the first choice that is not okay? What is the new option based on the challenge choices we have discussed?"
Sometimes a child needs encouragement and mentoring. They are stuck and are not certain what to decide now. This is where modeling can help.
The first step for the child is encouraging reflection. Then discussion on their discovery.
Their feedback determines what steps are needed from the adult to model which of the six choices are needed to resolve the challenge. The good news is that by this point the child has experience from the introduction of the Choice Challenge and may have options to share once rethinking has taken place.
How long rethinking takes is subjective. It is a solid idea to have a space the child already expressed is a place they can think about choices. This is where they will sit while pondering the decision that led to this moment. And what the future agreement will be for how to act. There is no time limit as people process at different rates. If they appear stuck, ask open-ended questions and host a conversation. Model ways to consider the choice using the six choices available.
Rethinking is not a punishment. This is a valuable resource for the habit of personal development. A time-out for the sake of punishment is not enough. The consequence of reflecting and rethinking is a joy. This offers growth and better relationships.
We are raising adults. The skills required for adulting are a lifelong learning process anyone can benefit from.
Rethinking is a better choice because it builds problem-solving skills, reduces shame, helps children see patterns in their behavior, and gives them ownership over their next step.
How the choices can work together
Rethinking is following directions. Words are used in the process and may include an apology as needed with dialogue between children or adult and child when they complete the rethink process. Breathe and Calm is helpful if the student, son or daughter is having a difficult time processing the moment.
A simple takeaway
Next time a child makes a poor choice try asking:
"What was your first choice?"
"What is your better choice?"
"How will this help you get what you want (or need)?"
Every time a child names their first choice and picks a new one without being prompted, a hole gets filled. Filling gaps or holes, as explained in the blog What is the Choice Challenge? and the Choice Challenge guide, is practice. Practice builds choice fitness.
Rethinking turns "uh-oh" into "next time." It helps children see their choices as doors they can open, not walls they crash into.
Building walls keeps everyone out including those we need – Patience Filippo
Choice Challenge Guide will be released in eBook and paperback. You will have the option to download for free by signing up or buy online. The choice is yours :)
About the author
Patience Filippo is a children's author, artist, educator, and veteran with decades of classroom experience. She created the Choice Challenge: Poor to Better Decisions for Everyday Behavior to help kids and grown-ups be better humans, one better choice at a time. The Choice Challenge is the framework behind My Teacher Is Not an Octopus, a self-regulating behavior management book for early learners. Begin at birth. Grow into lifelong learning.
Motto: Empowering happiness through literacy.
Find Patience online https://linktr.ee/askmisspatience
